Tuesday, September 20, 2011

NDP Makes “No Snow” Pledge

Under increasing pressure from the opposition as the Manitoba provincial election grows nearer, New Democratic Party leader Greg Selinger today promised an enthusiastic gathering in downtown Winnipeg today that, if elected, not a single flake of snow will fall on Manitoba this winter.

“There will be no snow in Manitoba this winter. And the Jets are back,” said Selinger in front of a gathering of rabid fans gathered at the corner of Portage and Main before tonight’s NHL hockey game.

“Manitobans have the opportunity to keep this province going forward. And the Jets are back,” continued Selinger. “Without snow this winter, our farmers can rest assured that we will not have a repeat of the flooding problems that we did this year. And the Jets are back.”

“I understand there might be some Manitobans who would like to see a white Christmas. Perhaps we can work it in for next year, but for this year, we declare Manitoba a ‘snow-free zone’. And the Jets are back.”

When asked how he planned to deliver on his promise, Selinger explained, “We’ve partnered with some extraordinary Manitoba companies who have pooled their resources to produce a revolutionary device that can divert atmospheric disturbances away from our province. And the Jets are back.”

“Whoo, hooo!” screamed one fan at the gathering. “Stanley Cup, here we come!”

Hugh McFadyen, leader of the Progressive Conservative Party, had this to say when asked for a comment on Selinger’s scheme.

“We’re going to hire more nurses and doctors. And we’re going to introduce a new tax credit for um, something. We’ll be able to give Manitoba families the credit they deserve.”

Dr. Jon Gerrard, the Liberal leader, was not available for comment. A spokesman for the Liberal Party said that Gerrard was busy trying to scrounge up enough signatures in his own constituency to get his name on the ballot.

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