Monday, April 1, 2013

Harper, Flaherty to Join NDP


The unthinkable has happened.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper has left the Conservative Party and joined forces with Canada’s New Democrats.

“Today, the Prime Minister informed his caucus that he and Finance Minister Jim Flaherty will be crossing the floor and sitting with the New Democratic Party,” said a spokesman for the Prime Minister’s office. “He encourages all of his former Conservative colleagues to join him in unifying the country under the leadership of Canada’s New Democrats. Given the values that we share including reckless spending without bounds, it is only natural that our parties should combine forces to achieve our common goals.”

NDP leader Thomas Mulcair shakes hands with Stephen Harper, the newest member of the New Democratic caucus.

On the heels of the recent Federal budget, this move has been rumored for weeks. The controversial budget, which continues to send Canada’s debt skyrocketing, brings the Conservatives so closely aligned with the New Democrats, Canada’s official opposition, that today’s announcement at Parliament Hill was seen as inevitable.

“This is a great day for all Canadians,” said a spokesman for NDP leader Thomas Mulcair. “The Prime Minister’s decision to join the NDP truly indicates that the momentum of our movement is growing by leaps and bounds. We welcome him, Minister Flaherty, and all of the Conservative caucus members who share our vision of bankrupting the nation. We intend to move forward together and follow the lead of our comrades in Greece and Cyprus who have plunged their nations into financial ruin.”

Both Mulcair and Harper deflected questions regarding the leadership of what is expected to become one unified party. However, both indicated a willingness to cooperate until a leadership convention is held. Insiders say that plans are already being made for a convention later this year in Quebec City.

A spokesman for prospective Liberal leader Justin Trudeau declined comment.


Friday, March 22, 2013

Questions to Ponder

1. Are there more cell phones, dogs, or people in Winnipeg?

2. With all the furor over the expenses that Red River College President Stephanie Forsyth is billing to the Manitoba taxpayer, wouldn’t you like to see what expenses Garth Buchko of the Bombers is racking up? Or Mark Chipman, owner/GM of the so-called Jets? Since both the Bombers and True North are publicly-funded organizations, don’t we have the right to know?

3. Is Winnipeg the largest city in North America without a law enforcement agency?

4. Is Manitoba Progressive Conservative leader Brian Pallister a genetic clone of his predecessor? Pallister seemed like a fighter. Someone who could really take on the Non Democratic Party. I had such high hopes for him. But then, like his predecessor, he sits silently while the NDP turns Manitoba into a Canadian version of Greece. Then he comes out of hibernation to speak about welfare rates. Oy.

5. Why does the government continue to use the slogan “Friendly Manitoba” on the license plates?

6. Has there been a day in the last five years in which there has not been a stabbing in Winnipeg?

7. Am I the only person in Winnipeg who has not watched an NHL game this year? And has not missed it one bit?

Sunday, March 3, 2013

The Work of a Genius


As an aficionado of the Bugs Bunny and Road Runner cartoons, I am often reminded of the line that Bugs sarcastically uses to Wile E. Coyote:

“I have come to give myself up on account of the fact that I can no longer fight against such genius.”

That’s the line I thought of again today when I went down Pembina Highway.

I’m not normally in the area, but I had heard that there was an extra bike lane being added. There was the usual controversy, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.

Until today.

I think that improvements to cycling infrastructure are badly needed in Winnipeg. Unfortunately, every time the City gets an idea, things get worse, not better.

Sadly, this particular project is no exception.

On the surface, the bike lane seems like a great idea.

Until you reach one of the bus stops.


The cyclist is now left with the choice of swerving back into traffic, or as the City apparently recommends, heading up onto the sidewalk.


The “swerving back into traffic” option is less than ideal during the week and completely defeats the purpose of having a dedicated bike lane. The sidewalk option is just as ridiculous.

Picture this scene during rush hour when a group of people are waiting for a bus on one of Winnipeg’s busiest routes. Add a cyclist or two barreling up onto the sidewalk.

That’s going to work really well. Or not. It's a good thing that Victoria Hospital isn't far away. 

Just like Wile E. admiring the plans for his latest scheme, I can picture some city planners and councillors holed up in a boardroom saying, “Gad, I’m such a genius” as they gazed upon this plan.

It would be nice if city planners would actually consult with a cyclist or two before committing millions of dollars. Just once. Please.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Ode to the Street Urchins


Sitting in Weirdo Central Station off by myself near midday
A group of would-be Idle No More protesters came my way

The nearby security guard strapped on the latex gloves, they did see
Someone must have passed out, perhaps one, maybe three

One laments that someone took a bottle from him, he can’t remember what
The thief probably saved him from poisoning his gut

Another wondered aloud if he should go to detox for five or ten days
For him, there undoubtedly have been prior stays

Meanwhile, back and forth the street urchins parade
None of them have ever likely practiced a trade

One of them was carrying a backpack
Peeking out was a cat that was black

The feline climbed out and ran around the floor
While the owner chased it to the door

I move on and spot someone uncontrollably shaking his leg
At least he didn’t approach me for money and beg

When it comes to weirdos and scruffy characters, there is no shortage
In the city built around the corner of Main and Portage

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Thomas Mulcair Speaks in Winnipeg


Recently, I watched a movie in which there was a scene involving the owner of a comedy club announcing that he was going to hear a political opponent speak. When asked why, he responded, “I’m not supporting him, for God’s sake. I need new material.”

When I heard that federal NDP leader Tom Mulcair was going to be speaking in Winnipeg, I became the owner of that comedy club. What better opportunity for writing fodder could I ask for?

For those that don’t know me, my political views vary significantly from those of the NDP. Stephen Harper is too much of a leftist for my tastes. I’ve ridiculed MP Steven Fletcher personally on the Conservative government’s wasteful spending.

So I bundled up and made the multi-mile walk to the Sir John Franklin Community Center, where Mulcair was to speak this morning.

Or so I thought.

The parking lot was less than half full and the place was less than a beehive of activity. More people did show up a little later, but I was shocked that an appearance of the federal Leader of the Opposition could barely fill a small hall like this. To paraphrase Jim Carr from the classic movie Slap Shot, good seats were still available.


When I walked in, organizers were asking people to sign a register. There was a spot for name, “adress”, telephone number and email address. I declined to give my “adress”, though I did point out the spelling error. The person at the counter seemed less than interested. Oh well. 

I sat down, pulled out my camera and notepad and waited for the fun to begin.

I looked around at the eclectic collection of attendees. There were a large number of starry-eyed 20-somethings, a few seniors and a scruffy-looking older gentleman who looked like he had just crawled out of a BFI dumpster. Wolseley in a microcosm.

Needless to say, I didn’t brag about my membership in the Conservative party among this group.

Master of Ceremonies Rebecca Blaikie then called the meeting to order.


The first speaker was Pat Martin, the outspoken honorable member for Winnipeg Center.



Warming up the crowd for the keynote speaker, Martin passionately railed against the Harper government. Surprisingly, he showed some unusual restraint and refrained from using profanity during his speech. Given his prior childish behavior, it came as quite a shock to me to see this petition on his own party’s Web site.

Perhaps he read it. Or not. Agree or disagree with his views, when you think Pat Martin, “civility” is not the first word that comes to mind. His behavior in and out of the House of Commons gives politicians across the spectrum a bad name.

Moving on, the keynote speaker was introduced.




Mulcair spoke for approximately 15 minutes. Of course, he praised the Manitoba NDP government, saying “you’ve got to be the model for our breakthrough.”

And what a model it is. We’re drowning in debt and the only reason our heads are above water is the same federal government that Mulcair kept hammering during his speech. 40% of Manitoba’s revenues come from the federal government, compared to 18% for Saskatchewan, a province Manitobans once made fun of. Now we’re the butt of their jokes.

Mulcair failed to mention this in his speech as well as the fact that Saskatchewan’s economic boom has coincided with the removal of its NDP government.

It wouldn’t be an officially-sanctioned NDP speech without wailing on bank profits. Mulcair obliged. As the crowd applauded, I wondered how many of them were invested in bank stocks.


Mulcair took the opportunity to praise the public insurance model in Manitoba.

A fan of Manitoba Public Insurance either doesn’t live here or hasn’t been involved in an auto accident yet. Perhaps Mulcair should check out www.mpisucks.com to find out what Manitobans really think of their public insurance system before his next visit. Extolling the virtues of MPI is not going to win him any new friends in this part of the world.

Manitoba Public Insurance has shown the ability to absorb endless numbers of bureaucrats and create jobs. Their premiums may be low, but so is the coverage you get. And if you don’t like it, go to another insurance company. Oh right, you can’t.


Mulcair raised an important point about not enough Canadians casting a ballot in the last federal election. Rather than put the blame on people like the renegade MP seated to his right, however, he had the nerve to suggest that it is the National Post and Sun Media’s “attacks” on the NDP that turns voters away.

I, for one, have never let the constant barrage of left-wing propaganda from media outlets like the CBC and the Winnipeg Free Press stop me from casting a ballot.

As he spoke, he seemed deeply offended that his party does not have a monopoly on the mainstream media. Such tolerance, indeed.

People often bristle when I jokingly refer to the NDP as the Communist party. Yet it was Mulcair himself who openly used the term “comrades” to describe his supporters in the room. If the shoe fits.

After Mulcair left, so did I. The rest of the attendees gathered around to discuss various issues pertaining to their party. Perhaps I could have picked up some more fodder, but I got my fill for the day. It was a worthwhile trip.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Dear Dog Owner


Dear Dog Owner:

I am so envious of your outlook on life. I only wished that I possessed the same bright, cheery, Utopian view of the world that was so evident on your face even in this bitter cold while your large dogs growled and chased me on that public pathway. Your laughing and giggling certainly gave me cause to reflect. My repeated encounters with people such as yourself make me proud to call myself a Winnipegger.

I would like to humbly apologize for any distress that my defensive manoeuvres may have caused your canine friends. I can’t imagine the stress that those poor animals must have endured when I frustrated their attempts to gnaw at the flesh on my legs. They are such beautiful animals. I must learn to be less selfish in future and consider their needs first.

The leash laws that have been enacted by the City of Winnipeg are cruel, indeed. I am so glad that you are among the vast majority of dog owners in our wonderful city who have decided to disregard these draconian laws. Dogs like yours were meant to roam free. It is our obligation, as responsible citizens, to ensure their well-being. If I may have implied otherwise in our conversation, I do so humbly apologize once again.

In addition, I realize now that I may have been something less than polite to you as we spoke ever so briefly on that day. I beg your understanding and forgiveness for my most shameful behavior after warding off what I now realize were friendly approaches from your dogs. Even now, I cannot believe how insensitive I acted on both occasions when your dogs ran after me in full gallop.

My only hope is that we may meet again so that I may apologize for my conduct in person.

As you so kindly suggested, I have since sought professional help. My psychologist has prescribed medication and I will diligently follow through on all of his recommendations. I hope to be a better person going forward.

Please be assured that I am a dog lover at heart. It always does my heart good when I see yellow snow or clean fecal matter off the bottom of my boots. It is then and only then that I breathe easier in the knowledge that our canine population is alive and well cared for by responsible dog owners like you.

Sincerely and humbly yours.

Friday, January 25, 2013

A Poetic Voyage to the Core


Another voyage to the center of this crime-ridden city
Stabbings and shootings on a daily basis, what a pity

The closer I get to the downtown beat
The seedier the people I pass on the street

Take, for example, one scruffy-looking dude
I didn’t check to see if he was friendly or rude

I wanted to duck behind a bench
When I saw him dangling a large crescent wrench

Backing away, I passed him by
Watch your back if you see this guy

Approaching me were some leftovers from Idle No More
Who had gone back to being idle in the core

Youngsters, hanging out in a group of ten or more
Puffing on smokes that I probably paid for

Unkempt and not looking cool
Pray tell, why were they not in school?

After passing by these clowns
I entered the biggest haven of street urchins in town

Weirdos abound at the downtown library
Sometimes things can get hairy

One soul was lost in an aimless gaze
Par for the course, I failed to be amazed

Someone asked him if they could help, I mused
He said that he was confused

No one could help him it seems
Presumably until a signal from outer space an alien beams

I returned home after hearing a few dog barks
Promptly checked my back for stab marks

All clear for now, a sigh of relief
Reflecting on scenes beyond belief